It involved the characters of Harry Potter at first.

We were working in a giant chemistry lab in grad school, and Harry had been acting strange when the dream began. We realized he was being mind controlled by a witch, but only after Hermoine had given him her teacher’s assistant code to use the lecture lab between classes. Harry had said he needed to do homework before next class and only needed a thirty minute block. When students wanted to use the lab they had to pay a fee since the chemicals in that lab were of the strongest variety, but TA’s got a free thirty minutes daily. He had already sealed the door, which seals for the first half hour before you can open it. If you require more time you have to reenter your codes to reseal the door. The room was made entirely of glass, like the crime lab in CSI.

We watched as Harry’s eyes went white and he chanted. He used Jedi mind tricks to pull thousands of dollars worth of supplies out of the cabinets below the glass cauldrons. There were enough lab stations to accommodate an entire lecture size class at a large university, and he was using each station. Each cauldron had a dozen bottles suspended in mid air above them, as Harry raised his arms the bottle’s lids all slowly twisted off and each poured the same amount into the pots below them. All the pots went black as a faint purple steam gathered above them. Simultaneously, each station’s potion began boiling. After ten minutes the the steam morphed into an image of a naked girl. We watched as the girl’s body slowly mutated. She had gone from realistic, to an almost cartoon image outlined in pink. She had a face and torso, but as the image morphed, her legs disappeared. Her features began to swell. By the time the steam was finished painting she was essentially just hair, squinted eyes, large swollen lips, full bouncy boobs, a small belly and a giant tongue where her vag was. The giant pink paintings suppended over each station in the glass lab caught the attention of everyone in the chemistry department, and many people from neighboring majors.

Harry had disappeared by the time there was a commotion. We were were about him, but also glad that no one knew who was doing this. Although we wanted to go find Harry, just like everyone else we were mesmerized by this strange image of the mutant girl. The pantings began to solidify, and all at once hundreds of what had now become statues crashed down on the now black glass cauldrons, sending shards of glass everywhere. The statue was moving. She was using the giant tongue where her vag was to essentially go down on herself. So there are teachers and students freaking out watching these giant pink freak mutant statues of a girl masterbating with her own giant tongue.

Suddenly there was pink graffiti everywhere, it’s the masterbating giant tongue girl, or what appears to be a map sign with a pink kiss. They were on chalk boards, and bathrooms, on every tv, and billboards. The longer people watch the girl pleasure herself the more vacant their eyes were becoming. There would be groups of people watching a giant mural of her in public. Sometimes the images would moan. No matter what the teachers would do, they couldn’t cover them. As each one was painted over, five more would pop up on various surfaces. Boys would find the image in their text books and would just watch her gyrate during class. We didn’t know how we knew, but we decided not to look at her. It was just a gut feeling, we knew we had to ignore it until we found Harry. We knew Harry would understand.

Over the next few days the mutant girls started to speak. It began as a light moan, and then it turned to a whisper to those who were watching her alone. People were claiming they were in love with it. You could tell a person had been mesmorized by her, because their eyes had turned almost entirely white. By the end of the week the girls were screaming, mostly saying things like come find me, and I think your going to be so proud of me when you see it. The images of the map with the pink kiss where changing as well. They became slightly more detailed and usually had text underneath that was similar to the things the girls were saying. The commotion hit a fever pitch when the school statue had been vandalized. It was the founder, but now he had giant pink lips and a giant pink tongue were his dick would be. The words art show were written in pink at his feet. There was a speaker on his head that players loop of the girls voice saying “it’s coming, it’s tonight, come find me.” a giant crowd of almost zombie like people were staring at the statue nodding in agreement.

With Harry still missing, we rushed home, to our apartment. It was the apartment above the restaurant in Bob’s Burgers. Tina was there and she was looking at the maruder’s map. She had realized the pink graffitti map was a map leading people to our home. The sun was already setting, which meant we didn’t have much time before whatever was about to happen, happened. There was a crash out back, and we looked our the window to see our pool, which was my friend Pat’s pool, was light up and boiling. There was a thick fog forming over the water as something was emerging. The pool water, which now closely resembled the pool in The Gremlins movie, was raising up in the middle. A solid form of water was floating above the foggy pool and forming the shape of the mutant girl masterbating. A low chant of it’s time, it’s time began. My heart was racing. Tina checked the map again and hundreds of feet were headed in our direction. We were discussing boarding up the house, but when we looked back at the map the amount of feet had doubled, they were covering ever inch of the map. We could heard them chanting outside, it’s coming, it’s coming, and the ice statue out back was scream moaning at this point.

This is when I realized the marauder’s map was actuallly my iPad, and fear sank in that someone was going to steal my iPad. I was frantically thinking for a safe spot, as if we were only having a house party. The front door opened and I was seriously having a heart attack clutching my iPad, and then I woke up.

My iPad was next to me and Chris was watching Bob’s Burgers….. WHAT THEEEEE FUCK.